Bulletproof angels sent to Earth to wipe out mankind prove that Hollywood doesn't always get it right, but will give you some cheap thrills anyway while inducing some apocalyptic teeth-gnashing.

Ever bitten into a delicious, expensive chocolate muffin... only to discover that the filling is missing? Ever spent oodles on a new computer only to find you could have bought a better one at the same price... if you'd looked harder? Ever been to a designer clearance only to find everything there is cheap... and ugly as sin? No?

Well, watch Legion and go experience those wonderful, non-disappointing sensations all at once. It's simply sublime.

Because Legion has all the potential in the world to be apocalyptically and darkly stylish but fell as flat as my failed soufflé last week due to poor casting, shoddy editing and a badly developed plot. It is an entry for the Epic Fail category because despite the bulletproof angels, incredibly cool Paul Bettany and the looming threat of an apocalypse, it came off as a campy B-grade movie.

Let me elaborate.

The world is coming to an end. Mankind is being wiped out because God just got tired of all our bulls**t. We are so busy fighting, warring, killing and doing all manner of evil things that God just can't take it anymore and wants to squash us into oblivion.

But enter archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) - he is God's General and God's most bad-a$$ soldier. He falls to Earth, cuts off his bulletproof wings (ouch) and sets out to protect humanity against his own kind, the Angels. The showdown takes place in Nowhere Land, also known as Paradise Falls (pun, geddit?). Protect humanity, by the way, means 'save one baby'. Why this baby is not explained. Not in the least bit.

Anyway, by the time we reach that part (we being us, the human beings and movie-goers) we don't care anymore. It has gone past the point where we even bother to ask why, because we're only waiting for the final God VS Man showdown so we can go have lunch, drink tea, and maybe discuss how we want our money back.

This is not because the movie sucked (though it did), but because it could have been so much better and you just want to teach the filmmakers a lesson and deprive them of their profits. Like taking your dog's toy away when it misbehaves, because you know it can behave better.

After all, there are short, intense moments of brilliance in this movie. Unfortunately, they are totally smothered in a terrible plot and pathetic attempts at character expansion. For instance, there is a super-nifty and super-awesome showdown between two of God's top angels which is totally undermined when the ultra 'facepalm' ending is shoved down our throats ten minutes later.

 Worse still, the performance of the entire cast (except Michael) is so limpid that you wonder what the big names in it were doing. Did Dennis Quaid just run out of money? Did Kate Walsh need to be there when she is brilliant enough in Grey's Anatomy?

This is the part where we collectively sigh: Sigh for how a premise this promising can end up translated into a clumsy, badly written movie.

So, in my usual inimitable style, I've got good advice for both the makers of this movie and for the movier-goer.

To the movie-makers: Please give Paul Bettany another 120 minutes worth of screen time (somehow), because he was all that was worth watching.

To the movie-goer: Line up for Avatar instead, and pick up an extra ticket for this writer. Go on. You know you want to.