Sometime this month, something with fangs is coming our way. Totally cannot recall what it is, but it will happen on July 8, and mysteriously, cinemas will fill up with people. I simply cannot for the life of me remember what it is! I've never heard of this 'Eclipse' or 'Edward'.

I'm sure half the world has not either! It is such a small occasion, this thing! No huge billboards on highways! This week, two of Malaysian Today's writers face off in a battle of the fangs. Who wins? You be the judge!

By Mariam Abbas and Pauline Wong

Mariam: The most viewed eclipse in human history was once in 1999, but it is about to be eclipsed by this decade's most awaited one yet! But as the Eclipse countdown clocks tick-tock away, badmouthing Meyer and her best-selling series seems to have become a favorite pastime for the Twi-haters - like you!

Pauline: Perhaps I am a vampire myself - a cold-blooded creature with no melting heart. Perhaps I am bitter that an 18-year-old is cavorting with a gorgeous vampire and finding true love, while my only relationship is with my job and a hot mug of Milo. Bella and Edward, sitting on a tree, N-E-C-K-I-N-G... Bleh.

M: Let's face it: All you haters out there clearly have a grudge against Twilight simply because you can't stand the fact that Bella gets all the drama and 'meat' in her life. What girl wouldn't dream of being sought after by two gorgeous creatures, having adrenaline-pumping adventures that could keep her busy for the rest of her life?

P:  Oh give me a break. Bella is an insipid, vapid and vacillating bimbo completely in love with the Bad Boy of the Century (of several centuries, as a matter of fact). The way Bella throws herself into his arms just dashes decades of feminism.

M: That little girl fantasy of yours is still lurking around in the dungeons somewhere! (scoff) Whether it's waking up to find a pale god-like vampire in your bed waiting to sing you a lullaby, or a half-naked werewolf with perfectly-carved abs wanting to give a chokingly irresistible warm hug, chances are, you secretly like it. Heck, even want to BE Bella.

P: Oh please. Bella is a sad contrast of the bra-burning women of the 60s'. I have better things to do than sit around waiting for Prince Chomping. Not that he chomps anyway. He's vegetarian. (rolls eyes)

M: Bella is but one of the many heroines in vampire movies who are vulnerable, submissive and weak against vampire charms. Think Mina (as played by Winona Ryder in 1992's Dracula) - she gave in to Dracula double quick! Your argument is invalid. And there is nothing wrong with being vegetarian. You say it like it's a bad thing 

P: Vampires are supposed to drink human blood! I mean, turning the vicious, bloodthirsty vampires we've come to know -Dracula, as played by Gary Oldman, or Eric of True Blood - into Edward is a crime worthy of cruel and unusual punishment. The very appeal of vampires is in their dark sexuality and lust for blood, and an indescribable primal energy that radiates from their pores, striking fear and sexual attraction in the hearts of ordinary human beings.

M: You CANNOT hate the way Edward gives that intense and piercingly dreamy look to Bella; the look that could melt the mightiest of the titanium-built ice-queens.

P: Meh. Long intense gazes won't pull the wool over my eyes. His bark is worse than his bite!

M: But nonetheless, Edward's love for her is steady and true and this is proven all throughout the series. And now what girl can say no to that?

P: I can say 'No' to broody, emotional and tortured blood-suckers!

M: You're a sour patch. You need a good romance novel.

P: Look, my biggest peeve is with the vampire wussy-fication that is Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse. From a swooning, love-struck teen to a moody, ancient vampire, everything about the movies gets my goat! A 'vegetarian' vampire who sparkles in the sun, walks away from a woman he desires, and tortures himself with noble and misguided thoughts just doesn't quite cut it.

M:  You're straying off the topic! The point is that the books (and movies) draw you in with the characters: The pretty, simple, average Bella finds true love in two extraordinairy men, and who could hate a story that caters to our innermost desires of being truly loved, treasured, and feeling needed? Call it un-realistic, but every young girl can and wants to relate to this message. Whether they're like you or not. Sour-puss.

P: Okay fine. I do give the movies and the books one plus-point: Without a doubt, the messages of true love, celibacy and romance are noble. It is just such an annoyance that these messages should come wrapped in such a candy-flossed and spineless package (horny teens being emo included)!

M: Okay fair enough, Robert Pattinson did not pull it off the way I had pictured it whilst reading the novel. I'd pick novel-Edward over Rob Patty any day of the lunar year! Oh, I'm on Team Jacob, by the way.

P: (groan) Oh enough already! Team this and Team that - I am on Team Get-Me-Out-Of-Here. Sheesh.

M: Look, he was perfect in the sense that he wasn't just a lover, but a true friend to Bella and was there for her each time she was in some sort of mayhem or when feeling down. How many guys do you know are capable of this? May this be a lesson for guys everywhere!

P: (scoff)

M: Hey, maybe we're taking this too seriously: It is fiction after all. That's what fiction is for. Everyone wants to escape into a book every now and then and you cannot deny that the Twilight saga is good fiction. It is a romantic tale with messages of love and life (or not).

P: That is a fair point. (disgruntled) Victory is not yours, but I agree that it is a romance novel as good as any. And it does have its moments. 

M: See? C'mon. Lighten up. Let's go watch Eclipse together when it hits theatres July 8. We can hash it out afterwards over coffee. Just promise me: No blood.

P: Sure sure. Now I need to go watch True Blood to catch some truly vicious, bloodthirsty killers! And, they don't sparkle. (smug)

(M: Sigh.)